I don’t think I need to name any names when I start this. You know who I am talking too.
I went to the beach the other weekend with my friends so I could enjoy my day off in the my happy place; on one of the World’s most beautiful beaches. I packed the night before so I could get up early and enjoy the sunshine. It had been a rough week, busy at work, busy at the house. Well, you wouldn’t know so I can’t fault that against you, can I?
I saw the way you looked at me as I walked by you in my swim suit cover up and beach bag. I didn’t sit directly by you, but I did have to sit close since the beach was crowed. I rolled my blanket out and took of my dress to expose my polka dotted one piece underneath it. I saw your disapproving eyes once again. I even heard your snicker as you looked to your friend and rolled your eyes at me. It broke my heart, that you would judge me without even knowing anything about me. I wanted to tell you that I have a great personality, that I was more than the size of my thighs, my tummy. That I have feelings and you single handedly tore down my body image within 5 minutes of me being where I wanted to be most in the world on that day.
I tried to ignore you, so I ran full fledged into the ocean and felt the crashing waves knock my legs out from under me and I swam. I did forget about you actually, for a little bit anyway. I splashed in the ocean like a child. Floated on my raft and soaked up the sun and forgot about my job, my life, my worries. I felt at peace. I decided to take a break from the waves and sit in the sand. You watched me walk up and take my seat. I chose to ignore you, yet again. I don’t know why you decided that your time would be best spent analyzing my body while it could have been better spent enjoying the sun and the salt water. I am also not sure why you thought it was okay to tear down somebody’s body when you knew nothing about them.
I don’t have the standard “bikini body’ so I don’t wear one. Instead, I chose to wear one piece suits so I can feel semi comfortable and not have to worry about people looking at my stomach. Instead, they can look at the polka dots that cover it. You might think I am a prude, but I feel like I have to cover up because of people like you. People that scoff, who make snarky comments into the backs of their hands while directing them at me. People who think that because I am not thin, that I should no be in there area.
So, thank you. For making me feel like I am worthless. That I am nothing more than the size of my waistband. I went home and all but cried to my husband that I am not
good pretty thin perfect enough because someone who never even knew my name, tore me down without a second thought.
Thank you for making me realize that I never want to be like you. I never want to judge someone, especially while they are most vulnerable. I will enjoy my time at the beach because it is my happy place.