I don’t know how to adult.
No really, I have no clue. Like, how do you even start adulting? I was not prepared for this in high school.
I am the youngest out of my two sisters so naturally I never really had to do anything for myself. Seriously, IT WAS THE BEST! Hungry? That’s cool. Tell my oldest sister and BOOM, food. I did that up until I moved out of my dads house. If I “cooked” for myself I would have cereal with a side of milk. Actually, if we are being honest, I still do that. Have a project due? Wait until the last minute and tell my sisters and BOOM, project worked on, totally getting an A. Again, still do that. Need something made for me? Do it myself? Are you crazy??!?! It’s like you don’t even know me, you best believe I am calling up my sisters and asking them.
The sad thing is I am in college and it has never stopped. My best friend worked at the College up until she left for Jesus (brb just crying over M again) and anytime I needed an answer I would shoot her a text, give her a call or show up at her office and SHE would figure it out. When she left and I had to go register on my own I was so incredibly lost. Who are you people and what do you mean I can’t do this???
Don’t even get me started at work! Okay, fine I will tell you. Ask me to do something I don’t want too, like put paperwork out in the service department where it can be balls to the walls freezing? Nah, bruh I am good. So what do I do? Bat my pretty little eye lashes at someone else and get them to do it. I tell you I am a PRO! #Notashamed
But really, this whole adult thing has me perplexed. Where is the handbook telling me that it’s not appropriate to wear a t-shirt with a cat on the front that says “Meow’s it going?” on casual Friday? Cause I have done that. More than once and have had people give me strange looks. Or about this whole not discussing bodily functions to your friend in a public place? I didn’t ask you to eavesdrop on me stranger! It’s not my fault you got to listen to my poop story. #sorrynotsorry
I truly thought I was an adult the day the very last Harry Potter movie came out and I saw it in theaters. That was it, my childhood was over. No more. But the more I think about it the more I realize I don’t even know what adulting is! I don’t even think that’s a legit word. Is there a handbook that I am missing? Is there a secret cult meeting every Tuesday night at approximately 5:42 p.m that only really adulty adults know of where they have pamphlets about real life? And they serve real Oreos, not the ghetto grocery version and real lemonade? Just know that if there is, I will hunt it down and find it.
I guess what I am saying is, being an adult is overrated. If you need me, I will be at home eating cookies for dinner watching the Little Mermaid and the Last Unicorn.
Peace.
Chronicles of The Unicorn 